The Wizard says, ‘Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words

that were used to put the curse on you.’


The old man says without hesitation, ‘I now pronounce you man and wife.’

___________________________________________

Two Reasons Why It’s So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:


1. The DNA all matches.


2. There are no dental records.

___________________________________________



A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, ‘Can you tell me how long it’ll

take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?’

The agent replies, ‘Just a minute.’

‘Thank you,’ the blonde says, and hangs up.

___________________________________________

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.


‘How was he killed?’ asked one detective.

‘With a golf gun,’ the other detective replied.

‘A golf gun! What is a golf gun?’



‘I don’t know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.’

__________________________________________

Moe: ‘My wife got me to believe in religion.’

Joe: ‘Really?’

Moe: ‘Yeah. Until I married her I didn’t believe in Hell.’

___________________________________________



A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and

asks him how he is feeling.

‘I’m O. K. but I didn’t like the four letter-words the doctor used in

surgery,’ he answered.

‘What did he say,’ asked the nurse.


‘Oops!’



___________________________________________



While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display

of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since

I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband’s

advice..



‘What do you think?’ I asked. ‘Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?’



‘Better get a bikini,’ he replied. ‘You’d never get it all in one.’



He’s still in intensive care.



___________________________________________



The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap

of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by

even more thunder rumbling in the distance.



The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, ‘Well, she’s

there.’

Fall riding in the Cascades

One of my favorite times of the year is the start of fall, the weather cools down the leaves begin to turn and the fall colors show gradually builds in the mountains.

The fall weather means different things to each of us for activities. I have found that most of my friends have many varied interest ranging from fly-fishing, deer & elk hunting to mountain bike riding in the back country to my favorite fall activity taking my motorcycle out for the day.

We are lucky in Oregon to have so many rides from the coast, foothills, mountains, desert and valleys. We countless options to ride from my place in Bend in Central Oregon we have the Cascades mountains with hundreds of miles or paved and an equal number of off road trails too enjoy then we have the Painted desert and Badlands in and around the John Day Fossil beds and river. This area needs some serious planning as you could ride for days here without seeing the same place twice. You transition constantly between desert into the foothills and then mountains and back all within 1-3 hours depending upon your chosen route. I have lived here for 13 years now and I never tire of it. One of the biggest treat or surprises comes from how the sunlight plays of the canyon walls or rivers depending upon the time of day as you fly bye.

Many times I have taken my fly rod with me to stop along one of the many rivers or streams and try my luck for awhile with the browns or brookies. The fishing can be excellant here year round, one of the biggest thrills is hooking into a steelhead on the John Day you’s better have the right gear and skill to land one of these bad boy’s. The hit like a run-away freight train and will tear you up if your not ready. I have my favorite Sage 5 weight rod that I usually take it is a medium action rod that is a good all around fish killer. I have my Powell 8 wt for dedicated steelhead or light ocean fishing the flats for bone fish or tarpon and  fly-fishing and my Ross 5wt fast action.

Most of the time I pack a travel cooler with a hearty lunch & snacks with drinks so I can just pull off where I feel like it and just kick back for a few hours if I want.

You just can’t beat the weather not to hot not to cold and you could just ride forever.

Giant Roam off-road bike

Fall in Central Oregon is perhaps the best time of year we have those incredibly nice Indian summers days with temps ranging from the cool nights to nice warm days with very little rainfall. So it’s time to hit the trail and work off that excess weight from too many bbq and of course those tasty Oregon micro-brews that we all love so much. Make no mistake about it either we are the King of micro-brews not the pretenders to the throne like Colorado or California or some other late to the party place. We have over 600 different brewers all making some heady brews to drink.

But hey this post was about jumping on my Giant mountain bike for a brisk 10 mile hump up in the foothills behind my house to feel that burn in my thighs and run old Kona boy hard till we both drop needing a drink just to get home afterwards.

Now one of the special benefits for living where I do is my access to the BLM or Forest Service roads within a half mile of my ranch in Tumalo.

There’s no better way to stay in shape than riding 3-4 times a week for at least 30-60 minutes intervals or longer as you get in better shape, good for your heart and conditioning for ski-ing, hunting and those fall fly-fishing trips treking up and down the river looking for steelhead or browns who are just waiting for your flies to swing out across the riffle into their gaping mouths and then the games on isn’t it. Theirs nothing better than to feel that hook set and then you try to finesse them to shore so you can let them go and look for their big brother.

I’ve had my Giant bike for a few years now and it’s a great bike, real tough in all conditions and never has let me down out on the trail. I’ve had a few other bikes that cost more and less but for my money you can’t beat the Giant  line of bikes.

Point is get your butt of the couch and get back in the game, you’ll live longer hunt better and most definitely have better sex trust me on that one!

Bubba’s, helping woman lower their standards for years.

Long 24 hour drive but a really beautiful scenery the entire way. One thing that surprises most forst time travelers is how extraordinary Mexico’s road system is. They have thousands of miles of toll roads that are almost like our Interstate freeway system in the US without all of the potholes and broken bridges that you read about in the US sadly.

We left Tulum with it late summer heat of high 80-90′s and very high humidity which means you sweat all day and night unless your inside running the AC which gets expensive here.

Get out of the car and right away you feel the cooling breezes and no humidity. The small village of Ajijic where we are renting an upstairs apartment for the week is right on the lake and still has 400-500 year old cobblestone streets. It has become a mixed community with thousands of gringos having moved here all around the lake for the perfect weather. We were blown away by the place and have decided to pack up and move here next month. We will be living even cheaper here than in Tulum, we rented a nice 3 bedroom 3 bath fully furnished home with a nice back year with a huge avocado tree for $640 a month. I’ve got a huge upstairs office with lots of natural light that I can just barely see the lake.

There are several towns around the lake from Chapala, Ajijic, San Antonia, Jocotepec each with it’s own unique flavor and outdoor farmers markets on different days of the week. The variety of fresh fruits and vegetables and seafood in incredible and you can eat cheaply here for sure.
One big difference here is they have been farming organically for centuries without calling it so – hum.

The weather here is so perfect that you don’t see any AC and very few fireplaces or heaters in the houses. You could move here or come here and stay on vacation and never need a car you can walk almost everywhere or if you need a taxi their really cheap.

Guadalajara’s nice new International airport is 30-40 min, flight are easy to get and pretty cheap from the US or Canada.
There are 2 Costco’s and 5 Wal-Marts plus several Sam’s Club’s there plus all of the big box store or shopping you could ever want in life.
We found that the shopping lakeside was more than sufficient for 90% of our needs and we would only need to go into the big city once or twice a month.

All in all this is a great place to beat either the cold winter blues or summer heat form the US and Canada.

Beautiful waterfront in Chapala

The lakeside area as it’s called is 3-4 hours away from the fishing ports along the Pacific ocean and many seafood products form the Gulf of Mexico. We went to several pescaderias (fresh fish markets)and all had incredible fresh fish like we were accustomed to in Hawaii like Mahi-Mahi, Swordfish, Tuna, Red Snapper, scallops, clams, sea bass – you get the idea.

We grilled fresh fish several nights on our deck overlooking the lake on the Weber bbq just hot coals and then fish with a little olive oil and spices to taste grill 3-4 minutes each side and then the garlic bread goes on the bbq, open the wine ok it was already open and half gone but who’s counting anyway. This isn’t our first bbq at Bubba’s, we never forget to have enough liquor on hand. There’s nothing like a few cold Pacifico’s with a slice of lime to help you get into the grilling mood grillin stuff is hot thirsty work and we believe in proper hydration at all times.

Whenever your in Mexico please do yourself a favor and eat the local fish it’s fresh and tasty and it’s good for you too. It doesn’t get any better than this.

It doesn't get any fresher -mahimahi for dinner tonight

Eating hot peppers might save your life

A team of US cancer scientists found in tests on mice that capsaicin could provoke apoptosis, or programmed cell death, in the cells behind human prostate cancer, the most common cancer among men in the United States.

According to the scientists at the Samuel Oschin Comprehensive Cancer Institute at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles, the tests showed the potential of repressing the growth of the cancer cells in humans. “Capsaicin had a profound anti-proliferative effect on human prostate cancer cells in culture,” said the institute’s Soren Lehmann. “It also dramatically slowed the development of prostate tumors formed by those human cell lines grown in mouse models,” he said.

To conduct their test, the researchers fed the heat-generating alkaloid found in all types of chilis orally to mice. Lehmann said the dose was equivalent to a 200 pound (90 kilogram) man eating from three to eight of the ultra-hot habanero peppers three times a week.

The heat of habanero peppers registers up to 300,000 Scoville units, compared to a maximum of 5,000 Scoville units for jalapenos and 175,000 for bird chilis popular in Southeast Asia and Africa, according to the Chile Pepper Institute of New Mexico State University.

Lehmann’s research team found that the capsaicin interfered with the cancer cells’ ability to avoid apoptosis, which occurs normally in many tissues as they replace aged cells with new ones. Cancer cells are able to mutate or change genes to avoid a programmed dying off.

The team found that the doses of capsaicin induced about 80 percent of prostate cancer cells to move toward apoptosis.

Prostate cancer kills about 221,000 people worldwide every year.

http://ushotstuff.com/Heat.Scale.htm

action to take on raising the Federal debt ceiling:

You come home from work and find there has been a sewer backup and
you have sewage up to your ceilings.

What do you do . . .

Raise the ceilings, or pump out the shit?

Yes, I can to the same answer as most of you.

Avocado's from Mexico

Here are some quick facts about the creamy, rich avocados so prevalent in Mexico:
• The fruits are ready to use when they are firm and give slightly to pressure.
• Avocados never ripen on the tree. They ripen once they are picked.
• Alligator pear is another name for the bumpy, green-skinned fruit.
• The pebbly-skinned black avocado is the Haas, the larger, longer variety, the Fuerte, is another common variety throughout Mexico.
• The Caribbean or Florida variety has a lighter texture, lower oil content and a fruity sweetness.
• The tiny wild avocados can be eaten, skin and all.
• In some vegetarian and cooking circles, avocados are called “green butter”.
• Toasted avocado leaves are used to season special Mexican dishes and some tamales.
• Ripen grocery store avocados in a paper bag for two or three days.
• If you hear the pit rattle when you shake an avocado, choose another fruit.

Following are some unusual and delicious recipes tried and tested by Judy and Lorraine:

Rosa Mexicana’s Guacamole
Seasoning paste:
1-2 teaspoons minced Serrano or jalapeño chiles (with ribs and seeds)
1 tablespoon minced white onion
1 tablespoon chopped fresh cilantro
1/4 teaspoon salt
Combine all ingredients in a molcajete (mortar) or heavy bowl. With pestle or back of spoon, mash mixture to a paste.

Guacamole:
1 large avocado, peeled and diced
1/4 cup ripe tomato cut into 1/2″ cubes
2 tablespoons white onion cut in 1/4″ dice
1 tablespoon chopped cilantro
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 to 1 teaspoon minced Serrano or jalapeño chile, optional, to taste.

Add one half of the avocado to the seasoning paste and crush to a rough texture. Add tomato, onion, cilantro and salt, mixing lightly. Add the remaining diced avocado half and salt and fold into mixture, being careful to maintain the texture. Add chile if desired.

Putting the avocado pit into the serving bowl will help keep the mixture from turning brown.

Chilled Avocado Soup
4 avocados
1/4 cup lime juice
1 clove garlic
3 tablespoons chopped onion
1 cup heavy cream, crema or cultured sour cream
3 cups cooled chicken broth

Blend all ingredients well in a food processor or blender. Chill well. Garnish each serving with fresh Salsa Mexicana (Mexican sauce).

Tropical Shrimp and Avocado Salad
4-5 cups chopped lettuce or baby greens
1 1/2 pounds medium shrimp, shelled and deveined
2 cups cubed ripe (but firm) papaya
Optional: substitute orange segments or cubes of mango or pineapple for papaya
2 cups cubed ripe (but firm) avocado
6 canned hearts of palm, rinsed and patted dry and then cut into half-inch sections
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 tablespoons, extra virgin olive oil
1 teaspoon lime juice

Dressing:
3/4 cup mayonnaise
3 tablespoons ketchup
2 tablespoons brandy
2 tablespoons lime juice
1/4 teaspoon cayenne

Plunge cleaned shrimp into a large saucepan of boiling salted water. Reduce heat to simmer just until firm—one or two minutes. (Don’t over cook). Drain shrimp and transfer to a large bowl, adding oil, garlic and 1 teaspoon lime juice. Set aside to marinate and cool.

Meanwhile, in a small bowl, whisk together the dressing ingredients. The dressing may be made a day in advance and stored covered in the refrigerator until time to serve the salad.

Just before serving, add avocado, papaya and hearts of palm to the cooled shrimp mixture, tossing gently with the dressing.

Divide lettuce among four chilled salad plates, mounding dressed salad on lettuce. Garnish with sprigs of fresh parsley or cilantro.

Avocado Lime Pie
Pie filling:
1 1/2 cup mashed ripe avocado (about 1 1/2 large avocados)
1 14-ounce can sweetened condensed milk
1/2 cup fresh lime juice
Grated rind of one lime
3 egg yolks
Dash of salt
1 9-inch baked or graham cracker pie shell

Garnish:
Whipped cream
Avocado slices or balls
Chopped nuts
Toasted coconut

Combine milk, lime juice, grated peel, egg yolks and salt in blender, food processor or mixer and beat at high speed until mixture is thickened. Fold in the very well mashed avocado and then pour into the pie shell and chill for at least three hours. Just before serving, garnish the entire pie, or individual pieces with your choices from the above list.

Yummmm…..avocado-licious!!

TRAVEL

By By John Noble – Lonely Planet

Published August 06, 2011

| FoxNews.com

I love Mexican food always have. Most of us grew up on chips and salsa maybe a little guccamole or nachos. Here’s the things you might actually like that can stuff but it ain’t salsa baby.

Real fresh pico de gallo is fast and easy to make and the taste is out of this world good. Here’s a quick recipe for making this tasty treat for yourself or friends.

Here’s what you need to make it, 6 fresh tomotoes,  1 bunch of cilantro, 1 large white onion, 1-2 limes, 1-2  peppers

1. Cut up your tomatoes into small peices

2. Dice up your onion

3. rough cut the cilantro

4. De-seed your pepper (unless your really like heat) fine cut this up pretty small. You might want to wear plastic gloves?

Mix everything up in a bowl and then squeeze the juice of 1 lime into it and add a little salt, stir and put into the frig for 30 minutes or just eat it right away with your favorite chips.

Now if you are feeling really ambitious cut up some fresh totortillas into strips or wedges and either bakes or fry.

This doesn’t take more than 5 minutes to make.

Fresh pico de galloChicken, pico de gallo with rice & beans

Be very careful here, you will never want to eat that jar stuff again